She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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