dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize