if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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