he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
