YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
