I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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