he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Randomize
