Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
