I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
