ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
