meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
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