I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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