Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I could fuck to npr.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
