you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
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