I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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