Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
