he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
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