I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
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