I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize