One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
