it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
