i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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