no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
