Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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