dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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