Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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