yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize