Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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