chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
