Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
