Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize