The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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