You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
