Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Randomize
