saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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