oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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