I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
