yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Randomize
