Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
