I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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