You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Randomize
