If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
