I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
