i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Randomize
