You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize