I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
