Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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