you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
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