party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
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