dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
