1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
