SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
