Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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