Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize