I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
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