Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
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