why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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