I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
