I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
