I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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