The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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