It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
