Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
