just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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