I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
