my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
