i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
