what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
