i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
