forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
