The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Randomize
