Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
