You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
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