Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
