if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
