I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Randomize
