If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
