Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
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