dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
He felt like a one man threesome
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
