the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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