there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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