Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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