Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
