I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
