I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
