dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize