based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
