She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
