That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
