I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize