I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
