I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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