All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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