I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
