This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Maybe he injected his testicle?
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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