Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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