i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
