I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
