im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
don't judge my taste in strippers
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
