yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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