i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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