she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
